The Lone Ranger was ambushed and captured by an enemy Indian war party.   The Indian Chief proclaims, ‘So, you are the great Lone Ranger. In honor of the Harvest Festival, you will be executed in three days. But, before I kill you, I will grant you three requests. 

What is your first request?’ 

The Lone Ranger responds, ‘I’d like to speak to my horse.’ 

The Chief nods and Silver is brought before the Lone Ranger, who whispers in Silver’s ear and the horse gallops away. 

Later that evening, Silver returns with a beautiful blonde woman on his back.  As the Indian Chief watches, the blonde enters the Lone Ranger’s tent and spends the night. 

The next morning the Indian Chief admits he’s impressed.  ‘You have a very fine and loyal horse but I will still kill you in two days. What is your second request?’

The Lone Ranger again asks to speak to his horse. Silver is brought to him, and he again whispers in the horse’s ear.  As before, Silver takes off across the plains and disappears over the horizon. 

Later that evening, to the Chief’s surprise, Silver again returns, this time with a brunette, even more attractive than the blonde. She enters the Lone Ranger’s tent and spends the night. 

The following morning the Indian Chief is again impressed.  ‘You are indeed a man of many talents but I still kill you tomorrow.  ‘What is your last request?’ 

The Lone Ranger responds, ‘I’d like to speak to my horse….alone.’   The Chief is curious but he agrees and Silver is brought to the Lone Ranger’s tent. 

Once they’re alone, the Lone Ranger grabs Silver by both ears, looks him square in the eye and says, ‘Listen very carefully you dumb horse. For the last time … BRING POSSEEEE’

A man escapes from a prison where he’s been locked up for 15 years. He
 breaks into a house to look for money and guns. Inside, he finds a 
young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a
chair.

 While tying the homeowner’s wife to the bed, the convict gets on top 
of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.
 
While he’s in there, the husband whispers over to his wife, ‘Listen, 
this guy is an escaped convict. Look at his clothes! He’s probably 
spent a lot of time in jail and hasn’t seen a woman in years. I saw 
how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don’t resist, don’t 
complain…do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much 
he nauseates you.  This guy is obviously very dangerous. If he gets 
angry, he’ll kill us both.  Be strong, honey. I love you!’


His wife responds, ‘He wasn’t kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear.
He told me that he’s gay, thinks you’re cute, and asked if we had any 
Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong. I love you,
too.’